Nous sommes trop ennuyeux pour notre chat

It seems I have written a new instruction manual on how to be the worst person on the face of the planet. It goes something like this:

1. If your cat chases his tail, laugh at him.
2. If he keeps doing it, laugh some more.
3. If he does it for several hours through the night, curse him for being such a shit.
4. Don’t bother to actually check his tail unless he bites it so hard that he yelps, at which point you may discover that he has eaten it down to the skin.
5. Make an appointment at the vet’s, then get home late due to an accident on the motorway and miss the appointment.

“Don’t worry,” said Cat Daddy. “I’m sure he still loves you as much as he did before. Mind you, that wasn’t really a lot, was it?”

Silence, tumbleweed, crickets.

Anyway, we finally made it to the vet this evening, and the good news is that she found no sign of injury. “He doesn’t seem to be in pain when I touch the tail,” she said. “He’s yelling a lot, but then he yells a lot when he comes here, anyway, doesn’t he?”

More silence, tumbleweed, crickets.

We were advised to keep an eye on Louis Catorze’s tail over the next few days. The vet then shocked the life out of us by telling us that, in the event of it not deteriorating physically, the tail-chasing was more likely to be boredom-related and that we were to give Catorze more stimulation.

This hit me and Cat Daddy like a punch in the guts. So … we are not interesting enough for Sa Majesté.

To make matters worse, I know that, when I attempt to play with him, he declines in favour of toys that he can use on his own. So it seems that Louis Catorze has been trying to tell us for some time that we’re dull, and now we have just paid £25 for the joy of being told the same thing again.

We’re too boring for our cat. What d’you think about that?

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2 thoughts on “Nous sommes trop ennuyeux pour notre chat

  1. The vet could, and might probably, be wrong. Horribly, ridiculously wrong. It could be that Catorze is his own non-dependent cat. Indeed, someone (notice the deliberate indefinite pronoun there/) above the normal station in the lives of cats. There may be some science to it…cause/effect/remedy that isn’t based on a vet making a trumpet out of his ass opinion. (That last a riff on a line from Dante’s Inferno.)

    So don’t self flagellate. In spite of his seeming indifference which is an all too common deportment, you are the hand of a goddess to him and what he’s become.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This sounds like it could be the start of a whole new adventure involving pet store toy aisles and a search for that one toy that will entertain His Majesty.

    Liked by 1 person

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