Le petit coin

Thanks to Cat Daddy, Le Château now has a vegetable patch. Or, as Louis Catorze calls it, “les toilettes”.

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Now, I am not one of those people who panics at the thought of the slightest germ, but I have a particular aversion to the rear ends of cats. So, the less I have to do with them, the better. The thought of excretory solids, liquids or gases is grim enough, but the prospect of such substances coming into contact with FOOD is absolutely the worst thing in the world.

“Relax! It’s fine! Animals poo and wee on crops all the time,” said a friend of mine. Maybe. But there’s a huge difference between an incidental bit of bird plop or horse manure in an arable field, and a demonic little beast repeatedly using your vegetable patch as his outdoor latrine just to annoy you. The sweetcorn plants that my mum gave us lasted less than 12 hours in the soil before they were decimated. Cat Daddy didn’t mince his words in his text to me that morning: “Little shitty boy has dug up one of the sweetcorn plants to shit. He’s a shitting pest.”

“At least his poo will put other cats off using the place as a toilet,” said another friend. “Your own cat’s poo is far better than the poo of a thousand random cats, isn’t it?” Erm, not really. Poo is poo, irrespective of which cat arse expelled it. Unless we’re talking quantity, of course, because a thousand cats would obviously produce rather more than one.

Anyway, the sweetcorn problem is now halved because Catorze has dug up 3 out of 7 plants and reburied them so deeply/far away that we don’t even know where they are anymore. I think we need an electric fence for Catorze. And maybe Valium for ourselves.

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7 thoughts on “Le petit coin

  1. Also not helpful, I suppose, but: poop and urine have both been used historically as organic fertiliser (and possibly pest control? I can’t say for sure on the latter (and no, that doesn’t count Le Roi), but I distinctly remember reading about the night men who went around collecting human urine for the nitrates or something. I mean, I remember distinctly the bit about them going around collecting the urine for farmers, but I can’t remember exactly *why* they wanted said urine except that it was somehow useful in crop farming…).

    Anyway, I don’t know how to stop him from doing it. Maybe get him one of those kiddie pools as a sand pit for his toilette instead? He might just leave your garden alone, then…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Might be meowing up a tree here but putting down rocks makes a place an unattractive litter box I have heard. Never had a litter/garden issue like this though so I have no first hand experience😕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We’ve used the stick method before and it worked….but yours is quite a big patch….so lots of sticks needed. At the moment we are using chicken wire. Our problem is trying to keep the ripening tomatoes from being eaten by coati mundos and iguanas….Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We’ve eventually managed to cat/fox/chicken/pigeon/butterfly* proof our veg patch…
    It doesn’t look as neat as yours, but we can eat the crops?

    *Butterfly eggs hatch into very hungry caterpillars 🐛

    Liked by 1 person

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